his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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