dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
