There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
