you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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