dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize