i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Your penis caused this!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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