Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize