I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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