party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
