you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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