just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
