have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
