the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
