his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
