i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
