I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize