he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
