My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
