You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize