Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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