JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
do herpes really smell.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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