uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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