Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
