No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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