me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
where does the pee come out of this thing
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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