no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She told me I should be a condom model.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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