I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm too high and old for this...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize