I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
