How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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