God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
