I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
