at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
how does that bad decision feel?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
