3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
sex in a hospital.. check
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
