did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
