Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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