Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
