I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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