If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
