My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
