Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
