I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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