you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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