i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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