I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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