you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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