1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
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