If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
