Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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