I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
