i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize