if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
