i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
