The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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