He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
