How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
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