stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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