I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
