Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
