Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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