im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
