That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
