Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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