Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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