just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
