life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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