her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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