I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I wish I could punch you in the face.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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