im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
