You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize