Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
