he puts the penis in happiness.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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