shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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