You're earring is so big in my mouth
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
