i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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