That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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