Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
