He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
