sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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