Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
