there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Randomize
