Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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