Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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