Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
