just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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