I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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