im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I love you. Go after that dick
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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