We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
