Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize