i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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