I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
