As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just blew my weed a kiss
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
