Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize