sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize