I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Couch. On fire.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
