OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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