I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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