tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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