I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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