Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
