Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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