Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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