I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
