Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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