I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
