New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
