i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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