i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You need Xanax blowdarts
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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