I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
