ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize