Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
