I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
