i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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