i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
