u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
